Friday, 14 November 2014

Coping (a short ramble)


Just in the last few days, I've found 'coping' pretty tough. The irony is, I was going to write a post titled '20 ways to be happy' today...

At the moment, I've got a lot on my plate. I've got two productions for Media to have done in the next couple of months. One of these is completely my fault for not trying my hardest last year (I'm retaking the coursework to boost my grade a bit) and the other one is just what I'd be expected to do this year anyway (which is going surprisingly well so far although I don't see that lasting long).
On top of that, I have a hell of a lot of Photography work to be doing. I struggle most with Photography as a subject because there's so much to do and I have to be able to think so quickly of new ideas and plans if the old ones fail. I get there eventually but it just takes time.
I've also got RE and Philosophy to crack on with as well. They're not so full on right now, just a couple of essays per fortnight, but they both really matter to me because I know that if I put my all in to them, I'll probably get the best grade in return. And I can't put my all into them at the moment.
It's a lot of stuff to contend with all at one time, particularly when each subject teacher believes their subject is more important than any other subject (or anything else in my life for that matter).
Of course there are other things in my life as well. My blog and YouTube channel are massive outlets for me and I spend a majority of my free time working on them to try and get good quality content online. That matters to me, even though other people might see it as something that is quite insignificant, it's my little place to go and I'm very proud of it.
Additionally, I do like to have a bit of a social life. I've got some of the most incredible friends, and I love spending time with them. You've probably seen most of their names on here before and they know how much I adore them.
And of course I've got my incredible boyfriend, Peter, who is literally my rock. Maintaining a long distance relationship while doing everything else in my life is definitely hard, but it's also very worth it and I wouldn't change it for the world.

I felt that I wanted to write this post not as a complaint or rant. My life is incredible most of the time and I'm lucky to have what I've got, I understand that. At times, though, things are definitely too much for me. I'm not particularly good at admitting my weaknesses and sharing my issues (even though 'a problem shared is a problem halved' apparently). I like to just crack on and deal with things how and when I want to. Up until just recently that was going very well.

A couple of days ago, I cried for the first time in ages. Not because I was sad, but because I was fed up. I'm generally a pretty strong person but right in that moment I literally did not know what else to do. I put a lot of effort into everything I do, and I often feel like my best is not quite enough for some people. I spend a hell of a lot of time ensuring my work is even half the standard of some others people's, yet still I'm being told that I need to do more. Is my best not enough? It took me back to the devastating moment when I was told on parents evening that I'd 'lost enthusiasm for the subject' (I won't mention which, but I assure you I had not 'lost enthusiasm' until I was told I had). I put in as much as I can to my subjects, yet still I get next to no recognition for what I do.

I know this sounds really moany but I don't want it to come across that way. I know that only I can improve on what it is I'm not doing great at right now, but I'd love to receive some positive feedback for a change rather than "it was okay but...". I guess we'll just have to see what happens on results day.

I hate to think like this but I can't see myself doing as well as I'd hoped this year.

Sorry for the negative vibe, it's just how I'm feeling at the moment.


2 comments:

  1. School definitely gets on top of you, but I encourage you to stick with it!! A helpful tip a teacher once told me was do whichever piece of work needs to be handed in first BUT if it's one you enjoy the most, do it second. That way you have to do one of the harder and less fun ones before you get onto something you are 'looking forward too'.
    Also with blogging and YouTube, as fun as they are and I love both your blog and YT channel, you are always allowed to take a few days off to just catch up on life :) Feeling overwhelmed is not something you should be feeling! And trust me, it's always good to vent how you are feeling, rather than bottling it up :)
    I'm always about if you just need a rant :) Tania xx

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    1. Thank you Tania, you're an absolute star! <3 xx

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