Wednesday, 28 January 2015

Where has my motivation gone?

You may have noticed a distinct lack of posts over the last couple of weeks. I've apologised already a couple of times, but thought I'd write a little post today while I have a bit of spare time.

When I started my first blog a couple of years ago, I wanted it to be somewhere that I could be completely honest. I feel like as time has gone on, I've become less okay with what I'm posting, simply because I don't find it all that interesting and inspiring. I feel that I'm conforming to what I think people want to read, rather than just writing for me. I've lost my way a bit.

Over the past two or so weeks, however, I've been doing a lot of thinking. There's been some major changes going on in my life, some of which I did mention in a post a couple of weeks ago, and there's also been a lot of stress surrounding coursework and exam preparation. I've crumbled into a disorganised mess. Forgetting memory cards, camera equipment and school books probably isn't the way to go when you're trying to do well in exams this year.

This morning, during a long and very relaxing bath, I spent a lot of time considering what it is that has caused me to be so unmotivated and uninterested by things all of a sudden. I want to do well, that's goes without saying, but I just feel as though all my efforts are going to end up being in vain a little bit.

I put a lot into my AS year, and although my results were good, I definitely wanted more than I achieved. Maybe I'm being too harsh but I was left feeling pretty unsatisfied with myself. I suppose I might have subconsciously come to the conclusion that, having worked so hard last year not got what I wanted, what's the point in working hard this year if the same is going to happen again?

Now that I've kind of figured this out, I've decided to make sure that things don't go completely pear-shaped this year. My Photography coursework deadline is the end of this week, and I'm going to make sure that I produce some damn good work in the time I have left. Then it's on the exam preparation and THAT is going to be my project. I will do well because I want to. No one else can make it happen, I have to do it myself.

I hope I manage to keep this new found motivation up! 


  1. Good Luck with your coursework and exams