Friday, 13 February 2015

Supportive or Irritating?

Over recent months, my life seems to have spiralled completely out control. There have been many times when I've been overwhelmed by emotions and many times when I've turned to a variety of different people for advice. I'm extremely lucky to have such supportive friends and family around me, but I have come to notice that some of them are a lot better at being truly supportive than others.

Google says 'support' means:
bear all or part of the weight of; hold up.
so to be supportive, you've got to be willing (according to Google, obviously) to 'hold up' something. Makes sense. Burdening others with my problems is not something that I particularly like doing, but at times of crisis it is necessary and I feel that the support network I've got around me do a very good job of lifting some of the weight off my shoulders for a while. Not one person has turned their back on me or disregarded how I'm feeling, and for that I am extremely grateful.

The problem comes when someone goes from being 'supportive' to being irritating. There are many times when I've personally felt that being alone is what I desperately crave. I spend a lot of time chatting through my problems with others because I don't like to bottle things up, but sometimes I just need to sit and clear my head and, to an extent, wallow in my own self-pity for a while.

Whilst most people respect that, some clearly find this concept a lot more difficult than others. I've had many days of people going over the ins and outs of all of the issues that I've been having. I don't mind talking about things to people, but I do mind talking about them to excess. The excess is irritating, particularly when you're trying to forget about something/someone. It might make me sound ungrateful, it's just that some people don't understand why being alone is a good thing for me sometimes.

Being on my own when I am finding things hard is the perfect chance for me to breathe, and get my thoughts in order. In some cases, yes I do cry and let it all out, that's just my way of coping with things. It's the best time for me to repair the damage that has been caused and try and break through without distractions or interference. It gives me the chance to think for myself rather than listening to the input of others and their perspectives on events all the time. Just to reiterate, I don't want to seem ungrateful because I truly am exceptionally thankful for all of the people that feel they care for me enough that they want to help me.

On the whole, I'm a very positive person. I'd say I'm quite approachable and friendly, and I spend a lot of my spare time trying to think of ways I can support others and make their lives easier. When all is said and done, I know that I'm definitely not the only person in the world struggling, and I've got an exceptionally easy life in comparison to others. I like helping others so I do understand why others would want to help me.

However, when I'm sitting in my room alone listening to George Ezra or reading a book, that probably means that I don't want to talk to you. If you feel that you do need to talk to me (and honestly, I understand people wanting to keep conversing with me in order to stop me from falling down a deep hole that I can't get out of), talking about the very issues that make me feel so anxious/on edge/sad/angry probably isn't the way forward. Don't overcompensate for the mistakes and decisions of others by trying to fill a void that they have left behind in my life. Remember that although I love you (and I do love every person that tries to make my life a little bit better), it's not you that can fill that void, I've got to do it for myself.

If I want to talk to you about how I'm feeling, I will talk to you.

Apologies for the moan-y post today. It's been a long and exceptionally chaotic week and I'm very tired.


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