Tuesday, 24 February 2015

The Four Letter Word Beginning With 'L'

I consider myself a generally exceptionally strong-minded and kind-hearted person. I'm not usually naive and I rarely let myself get to a vulnerable state... Apart from when it comes to the four letter word beginning with 'L'.

This is what I told 'person a' (and we'll call him that to conceal his identity) throughout the entirety of the time I spent talking with him.

I have a lot of metaphorical scars, and some issues with trust, predominantly because, in the past, I've had issues with people who have promised the earth and then taken it away just as quickly as it appeared. People are, on the whole, pretty unreliable. Devastating but true.

So, when I started talking with 'person a', I decided to adopt a whole new attitude. I questioned: why am I wasting my life in fear of pain when I could be missing out on something spectacular? And so I let all of the fear escape from my mind and decided to trust someone whole-heartedly, just to give it a go.

"Right Beverley," I told myself, "it's now or never."

And so I jumped in head first, let my heart go where it truly wanted and ultimately made myself exceptionally vulnerable. I put my faith in another human being, who I believed was worthy of it.

As with all good things, though, it had to come to an end. Give it a few weeks and the late night conversations and excessive texts/Snapchats were rapidly decreasing. The gaps between conversations were longer, the number of kisses sent declined, and I was quickly reminded how easy it is for something so good to disappear so quickly.

Did I love him? Just a little bit.

Will I love again? Of course I will, eventually, but I don't want to any time soon.

Hopefully Prince Charming will wander into my life and sweep me off my feet at some stage in the next few years, but for now, I think I'm going to stop worrying so much about 'love' and start concerning myself with life and laughter instead.


3 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm going through this right now as well, and it's slowing smushing my brain to jelly!
    You were brave you jump into it and following your feelings is a great thing to do - it can always lead to bigger and better things :) xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hope it works out well for you in the end lovely :) xx

      Delete